Pain and Why you should use it to Guide your Transformation

Pain and  Why you should use it to Guide your Transformation

Last week I had three discovery sessions with sensitive Millennials who were feeling anxious, overwhelmed and slightly depressed. They all had either family members or a therapist suggest to them that they take anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medication.

This really pisses me off because not feeling your pain discounts your feelings as relevant and transformative information.

I am not a doctor and I don’t claim to be one. That being said, I have been around a good while, helping many clients in pain and I have studied holistic health, the mind and the brain long before it became popular through The Secret in 2006.

One of the spiritual leaders I sometimes refer to is Marianne Williamson. She’s published 12 books of which seven where #1. We all know her famous quote from her best selling book A Return to Love , “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure…” Suffice to say, Marianne has some authority on the topic of spirituality and self-growth which is why I wanted to add this relevant quote in this blog.

“Pain is not a mental illness!” ~Marianne Williamson.

I have worked with bi-polar clients, people with addictions, depressed and anxious people, highly sensitive people, and hormonal people, helping them find their blessings, power and ultimately themselves.

They could not have transformed their lives without learning how to be present with whatever was happening to and around them, learn from it and getting to see that there was more to them than they realized. Their emotions, feelings, and pain was necessary for them to grow and learn.

Because I have a special passion for young people, I have been working with many 20-somethings with addictions. I noticed that many of them had no guidelines on how to cope with the painful events in their life. Many also didn’t really know about the causes of their problems. Some had undiagnosed hormonal problems that had them feeling crazy. Everyone had followed peer pressure from their families and society, or what the media modeled for them as the pain cure. They were unconsciously taught to find immediate relief by self medicating with alcohol, prescription drugs, illegal drugs, shopping, gambling, food or sex. They had designed a mindset that if they’re not happy something must be wrong with them.

I am a sensitive who grew up denying my pain because they made me feel weak or overwhelmed.

I didn’t know what to do with those uncomfortable feelings. I was perceived as too needy if I asked for help. So I shut down to avoid being a burden or feel what I couldn’t make sense of. I wasn’t good with dealing with anger, the news, violence, loud noises, big crowds, uncertainty or negative energy I felt from others.

As a child I didn’t understand the reason the people around me didn’t’ want me to be sensitive was because they were shut down themselves. I had an awakening in my 40s that lead me to owning and honoring my ability to feel deeply, heal myself and help others do the same by transforming their lives.

There are lots of reasons for each of you to experience sadness, anxiety, depression, overwhelm, stress, and heartbreak!

Loss, uncertainty, destructive world events, natural catastrophes, hormone imbalances, poor diet and nutrition, lack of connection to SELF, or nature and others, hormones and chemicals in our food, air, furniture, water, and not feeling safe to be yourself or not feeling safe in general are just a few reasons that we feel, and should feel pain in some form. Not knowing how to deal with our daily emotions and challenges in a way that benefits everyone is what causes overwhelm and disease, not the pain itself.

You would think that learning how cope with your daily and extraordinary challenges would be naturally modeled at home or in your spiritual life. The problem is most parents have no idea how to cope themselves, so they can’t model what would be a healthy emotional lifestyle. For many of you your spiritually isn’t addressed until you discover it on your own out of desperation.

Spirituality has to do with your connections to everything.

Depression and anxiety have to do with your disconnection from everything including your self.

Your feelings feed you information about what is going on inside of you. It gives you information about how you cope with personal and professional challenges. It reflects back to you what matters and how you feel about it. They reflect your sense of connection and disconnection and satisfaction with the path of life you’re on.

Ask yourself: Are you being true to yourself or to others in your tribe? Are you living lies or being authentic? Do you feel safe? Do you feel like a leaf in a storm?

There are social ‘norms’ that you try to abide by. Some of those norms luckily have been challenged over the recent years. For example it was totally acceptable for men to be angry, but not to feel their sadness because that would make them appear weak. I see young women who think it is ok to be highly critical of and disappointed in themselves and others, but it’s not ok for them to ask for what they want or need because that would make them look weak or bossy.

You have these expectations that you are not supposed to be affected by what is wrong in your home, your country and the world.

Unless you go inside and view your pain as valuable information and learn from it you will not become a better person or create a better society, culture or world.

You can create a strong, grounded foundation within yourself from which you can build your life upon. A foundation that you can trust, instead of avoiding uncomfortable feelings and situations.

Coincidentally, the week following those mentioned meetings that prompted this blog, Marie Forleo, a fellow life coach, shared a powerful interview with Marianne Williamson. Marianne talked about her latest book called Tears to Triumph.

Marianne’s spiritual leadership is legendary and goes along with the theme of this blog, so check out the interview, Bereavement: How to Transform Grief & Depression Through Spiritual Healing.

Marianne states that there has been “a pathologizing of normal human suffering that is very unhealthy.” (There’s also a great article on Huffington Post talking about pathologizing emotion. Read HERE) She believes that feeling your deep sadness and grief, called “dark night of the soul,” is one of the most transformative times of your life. It is important that you take time and look at what is happening in your life, what you are responsible for and then make changes from your learnings.

Marianne wrote, “In avoiding our sadness we avoid our lives. Learning from our sadness can bear great fruit, and avoiding it can have hidden costs. Our choice is between feeling the sharp pains of self-discovery or enduring the dull ache of unconsciousness that will last for the rest of our lives.”

It’s a very powerful statement that you should not take lightly. Make sure you feel your feelings and are present in your emotions, but also trust that in this moment, you are ok. There is a fine line to walk with feeling your emotions but not suffering because you don’t know how to deal with them.

If you like this article and have some personal experiences you want to share, see this as a save space to do so. I encourage you to leave comments, share experiences that reflect the pain of not feeling your feelings or the benefits you’ve discovered from feeling them as it will help everyone.

Loving you,
PS. Remember, sharing is caring and your shared experiences will benefit so many others. Together we can create more love, forgiveness and compassion in the world!

Thank you!!!

Like this article? Please share it with your friends and on social media. If you are interested in a Complementary Discovery Session yourself, please contact me at (805) 883-8598 or

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