30 Ingredients for a Healthy Relationship

Whether you’re single or married, knowing what a healthy relationship looks like is very useful in finding the right partner for you or spicing up your marriage.

I recently gave a relationship workshop and handed out a list of what a healthy relationship could look like. I’ve found most of us want a great relationship, but we really don’t have any idea of what that looks like, other than a romantic Hollywood versions that is unattainable.  When you start to have a clearer picture of what it truly takes to have a healthy and loving relationship, you now know where you need to grow, what your needs are and what to ask for from your partner.  It also gives you a framework in which to look for your man who also wants a healthy relationship.

I didn’t experience and I’m sure most of you didn’t have healthy relationship role models growing up. Life is messy and depending on what you experienced in childhood, it colored your beliefs about relationships.  A lot of my clients have grown up with a narcissistic parent, co-dependent parents, divorced parents or a single parent. Each experience has an impact on how you perceive your ability to be in relationships. For example, if you were a child raised by a narcissist, you may believe that you have to take care of everyone else before meeting your own needs. You may think you have to be perfect in order to receive love and get your needs meet. Which never happens, because you never believe you are perfect enough. And you will most likely be attracted to narcissistic relationships, because that is what you know, until you learn something else. This list of 30 ingredients for a healthy and happy relationship is a good start to see what is positively possible in your relationships and start creating them. Everyone can have a healthy relationship, you have to find the right partner for you who is willing to grow and learn along with you.

A healthy relationships doesn’t drag you down, it inspires you to be better!

I ask a lot of clients what they want in a relationship and they end up telling me what they don’t like without a clear picture of what
they want. So with this list you can start to fill in your vision of your ideal relationship with the ingredients below.

We are all a work in progress, there is no man or woman who is perfect. We all come with a imperfect past. It is important that you care and honor your wounds, traumas and healings and do the same for your husband or dates. These ingredients for a healthy relationship take all that into consideration.

You feel safe in a healthy relationship, you have each others back.

Call to action:

If you’re not in a relationship:

1.  Read the list of ingredients and choose what you want to have in your next relationship.
2. Choose what ingredient you will start to practice with yourself and friends.
3. Write out YOUR RECIPE for your next relationship, go beyond this list to the particulars of YOU, what you do together, etc…
4. Shut your eyes and imagine your man is with you right now and you have what you desire….Feel, Feel, Feel  and then end it knowing it is DONE, TRUE and carry that energy with you everyday all day.

If you are in a relationship:
1. Mark off the ingredients your relationship already has and celebrate!
2. Each of you pick one ingredient that you would like to add to your relationship, letting each other know and why and work it into the relationship.

30 Ingredients for a healthy Relationship …

1. Both of you know that you are responsible for your own individual happiness.
2. You’re playful and flirt with each other.
3. You add to each other’s life, you bring your passions and interests into the relationship.
4. You listen to and are curious about each other.
5. You see your partner as trustworthy.
6. Neither of you are trying to control or “fix” the other person.
7. You cheer each other on in pursuing what is important for each of you and celebrate each other’s accomplishments.
8. The relationship is balanced so each of you contributes to and receive from the workings of the relationship. You can depend on each other to share the chores of life.
9. You know your partner’s aspirations in life.
10. You explore new and challenging experiences together. Growth/learning
11. You create a daily devotion practice. Morning and evening.
12. You feel safe telling your partner about things that make you feel vulnerable.
13. Conflicts are dealt with head-on and then dropped.
14. Feelings are shared honestly and openly.
15. You never express contempt for your partner by rolling your eyes, swearing at them, or calling them crazy.
16. Each of you makes time to take care for yourself.
17. Both of you are willing to put the relationship before themselves. You are a team.
18. You both understand and accept that you’re not going to agree on everything.
19. You feel safe and secure with each other. You can ask for what you need and receive it from your partner.
20. You care about each other’s feelings and opinions, even when you argue.
21. Your partner lets you into their inner emotional world—they make their thoughts and feelings accessible to you.
22. You frequently express appreciation and admiration for each other. You focus on what is good and nourishing, rather than what is wrong with them.
23. You’re open to trying what your partner suggest.
24. You enjoy each other’s company.
25. You both truly value the relationship.
26. You talk about topics that are important to your partner, even if they are not important to you.
27. You respect your partner’s other relationships with family or friends, and view them as important.
28. You have fun and laugh together.
29. You have your own love language, pet names…
30. You’re physically affectionate with each other.

Feel free to add to this list with what is important to you and your partner.

Please, Let me know what transpires from adapting any of these ingredients.