Did you make a vow as a child to not be like mother?
Don’t worry you are not alone
Are you a strong women who takes a lot of pride in getting things done?
Are you usually disappointed and highly critical of yourself, as well as, other women?
Do you fear appearing weak, needy, not smart enough, not strong enough or other “feminine” negatively charged characteristics?
I have felt all the above, but I din’t realized it was holding me back from loving myself and honoring women.
I had made a childhood vowed to not be like my mother. Not only was I not going to be like her, I wasn’t going to be like any other women who had undesirable characteristics that didn’t seem powerful or complementary at the time. I was going to be strong, in control and empowered like the boys and men. I wanted to feel powerful and free.
I have women clients of all ages coming to me with challenges related to a vow they made at a young age to not being like their mothers. They don’t realize, like myself, that disowning their mother and their feminine energy limits them back from being THEMSELVES.
When you make a vow to not be like your mom, you shut down part of your powerful feminine qualities and intimate connections to other women. That hurts all of humanity not just yourself.
Making a vow, is one of those unconscious things that can be holding
you back when you’ve done everything right!
As a child you turned from your mom towards the masculine because you felt that something wasn’t right. And you thought it was your mom’s fault and you said I’m not going to be like you (feminine vows qualities below), I’m going to be like the boys ( masculine characteristics). Each of you will have your own conclusions and experiences, but the MAIN ISSUE IS YOU MADE CREATED A BELIEF THAT ALL FEMININE QUALITIES ARE WEAK OR WHATEVER YOU BELIEVED ABOUT YOUR MOTHER and YOU PROJECTED THOSE BELIEFS ONTO ALL WOMEN. AT ALL TIMES. Therefore, you end up denying your feminine characteristics in favor of feeling more in control, free or empowered with the masculine traits. We project everything we like and dislike about being feminine onto her and how she stands up to our expectations in order to discover who we want to be and don’t want to be like as a female.
The problem is your negative judgments don’t serve you to be
a heart-centered empowered women
I want you to think back and see if the list below contains any of the vows you may have made as a child or an adult. Add your own and write them down.
I vow not be a victim like you
I vow to not be powerless like you
I vow to not be weak like you
I vow not be as controlling as you are
I vow not be not sacrifice myself like you
I vow not be work as hard as you
I vow not be as emotional as you
I vow not be unhealthy like you
I vow not be as poor as you
I vow not be an addict like you
I vow not to be as needy as you are
When you make vows to not be like you mother, you are also making a commitment to not be you.
You are more focused on how to not be “them” than how to become YOU.
Girls are shutting down an essential part of themselves.
Vows are deeply hidden beliefs that you make with yourself. Making a vow with yourself is like a marriage vow, you are making a deep long commitment.
After you say “I will NEVER be like you” with lots of emotion behind it, your subconscious mind takes this to heart. With continued negative intense attention towards your mother’s feminine characteristics it becomes the subconscious minds work to focus on what you don’t want to be like rather than who you’d like to become. Here are some examples:
“I’ll never be needy like you”, so you have to be strong and never ask for help, when in fact there are times you will want to ask for support. If you can’t ask for what you want, you won’t manifest what you want personally and professionally! You have trouble asking and receiving.
“I will never be angry like you”, so you stuff your feelings and don’t value feelings. You live your life avoiding angry at all cost, so you create circumstances where there is a lot of anger people around you and you do try to control your circumstances to avoid it and it drains you.
“I’ll never be as unloving as you”, so you have no boundaries trying to love everyone. You want to love everyone so you feel loved back. Unhealthy boundaries and co-dependence!
All your energy and unconscious attention goes towards not being like your mother or other women. Your inner feminine Self feels not good enough and hopeless because you will never be as good as a male because you are a female. No matter how hard to you try, you will never measure up unconsciously with these vows. Life becomes a story of struggle and never feeling whole. This doesn’t have to continue.
If you can’t ask for what you want, you won’t manifest what you want!
When you shut down your feminine you end up pushing through life and burning out, because you don’t know how to care for the that part of you that you deserted. It is denying your very essence of self love.
No wonder you don’t feel fulfilled, turned on or have the capacity to take your life to the next level. You’re only living with part of all that is you. You can’t bake a cake without the dry ingredients. You can’t show up as a women denying any of your feminine.
You give away your personal energy, charisma and power by not being authentically you. You end up living from fear, rather than living a full range of emotions that allows you to experience who you are from both your shadow and light. People can feel the fear and not trust you unconsciously. When you can trust yourself others will trust you. Remember you are a full rounded spiritual human being. You are a brilliant juicy mess!
It is good to check in to see what beliefs were attached to the vows you made and how they grew and played out in your life.
So ask yourself are you denying your feminine? Are you denying being a female because it felt disempowering growing up as one in your family. We grow up seeing boys having more freedom, fathers make more money or controlling it, mothers hitting glass ceilings, and subtle or blantent mental, physical and sexual abuse at home, movies, school, work, in the media…etc.
I want you to know your feminine energy is so powerful, vital, sexy, charismatic, healthy, fun and influential… You will be amazed at what you will accomplish and how much you will expand your scope of what is possible from embodying your feminine energy.
Today the feminine is being called to help solve our current challenges in all areas of our world. You have much to share and ways to serve and influence others for a better world.
It is time for women to stand Up and stand OUT and let us know more about you,
your desires and share your wisdom.
The sooner you clear up these vows, the easier and quicker you will evolve into the multidimensional empowered women you are meant to be. This will enable you to have greater impact in the world. When you speak or share your ideas, visions, solutions, etc., people will feel and hear you better, because you are grounded in your own truth of honoring all of you (masculine and feminine working together). This is the what is going to make your life more juicy and exciting, being real.
When we can be our authentic Self we give other women permission to be true the themselves. This will empower a new generation of empowered women working with each other, rather than competing and judging each other. Together women can create more than on their own and we can leave a legacy to be proud of.
As an adult, you may have more compassion and empathy for your mother and women in general, than you did as a child. There is still more work to do to free yourself because you still have the vows engrained in your subconscious.
I’m going to give you 7 steps to turn ON your feminine energy again and one of those steps is to clear your energy with you mother’s.
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What vows did you make to not be like your mother? (You may have made some as an adult also.) Write them down and write out the story surrounding it also.What other beliefs are connected to these vows. Women are weak? Women never get ahead? I need to manipulate to get what they want? If I’m sexy I’ll be taken advantage of? I’m bad, broken, not good enough if_________. I can never make as much money as a man. There is a glass ceiling for women in busineness…Write them down. See the mindset that is limiting you.
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What limiting actions and decisions have you made as a result of these vows and other related beliefs? How has it held you back? How have they limited you? What did they make you feel like? Are you playing small? Is it keeping you from being seen and heard? Does it keep you from asking for support, help or getting your needs met. Is it making you ill? Are you a perfectionist as a result?Write them down.
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How has this vow served you? I’ve supported my family, I’ve grown my confidence, I’ve loved so deeply, I help others________.Write them down.
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Listen to this audio guided Energy Work for detangling your mother’s energy from your own. You will feel better and it is healing: Detangle from your Mother’s Energ
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Pay attention to your inner child, who needs to be seen and heard. Let her be needy, vulnerable, emotional and real, so she can let these emotions move through her.What does she need? How did her life change after making these vows. How did she get shut down. Did she have to grow up early and fast and be the adult or emotional support of the family?Create opportunities for her to feel and process her feelings. Learn to love all of her, shadow and light. Let her feel the gift of the feminine and masculine working together. Then she and you can move forward experiencing the fullness of your expression and creations.
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Look around for women role models and mentor you admire and start collecting new beliefs and stories about what is possible as a women. Share these stories with your friends and family, so that you are talking about, sharing and intending what we want to create as empowered women in the world.
Love, Live and Matter
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